Tom Clemens



Tom joined the Club in 2007 and had a successful batting career; unfortunately, his time with the team may have had a rather adverse effect on his batting skill – as his falling average over the years may attest to. Not a devotee of low, slow Scottish pitches, some of Tom’s most impressive innings were on decent wickets where his timing worked beautifully. On other surfaces, the ‘Clemens Swish’ became stuff of legend as some of the most elegant and classical plays and misses were essayed at a variety of dibbly dobbly bowlers.

Aside from his batting, Tom’s legacy with the club has been preserved through numerous legendary moments of slapstick comedy worthy of record. On one occasion having driven down from a drunken Highland wedding to Deepest Aberfeldy, Tom’s delicate state was further befuddled by the appearance of a 12 year old bowler who, by agreement, was to bowl from the youth mark of 20 yards. The kindest thing to say is that the combination of a shortened pitch and 30 mph bowling caused great hilarity for those watching from the side. However, Tom’s greatest claim to fame was the Alloa Two Step dismissal, where having been dropped at deep square leg, Tom managed to crash into Dom whilst returning for an apparently easy two leading to a wicket falling, quite a lot of swearing and some regrettable damage to a plastic bin en route to the changing room.

Despite these foibles and the Phantom Tour which has never quite materialised, Tom was a very successful Captain, winning the Ferrier Cup, keeping everyone happy by not bowling himself and taking some fantastic catches in the deep – one grab at Meigle on the boundary being particularly memorable. Although temporarily exiled to Edinburgh, Tom makes occasional return appearances for the Club and is honoured by his name being attached to the Annual Award for Gross Stupidity on the Cricket Field.